Last night I got through 1/2 of a conference talk (seriously, that's as good as I can do lately) but I really liked it, and I even finished the rest of it this fine AM. It was from
Elder Uchdorf's talk in the priesthood session, but very applicable to
everyone's life.
In it he shares this story:
The Story of the Lightbulb, or Losing Sight of What Matters Most
On a dark December night 36 years ago, a Lockheed 1011 jumbo jet crashed into the Florida Everglades, killing over 100 people. This terrible accident was one of the deadliest crashes in the history of the United States.
A curious thing about this accident is that all vital parts and systems of the airplane were functioning perfectly—the plane could have easily landed safely at its destination in Miami, only 20 miles (32 km) away.
During the final approach, however, the crew noticed that one green light had failed to illuminate—a light that indicates whether or not the nose landing gear has extended successfully. The pilots discontinued the approach, set the aircraft into a circling holding pattern over the pitch-black Everglades, and turned their attention toward investigating the problem.
They became so preoccupied with their search that they failed to realize the plane was gradually descending closer and closer toward the dark swamp below. By the time someone noticed what was happening, it was too late to avoid the disaster.
After the accident, investigators tried to determine the cause. The landing gear had indeed lowered properly. The plane was in perfect mechanical condition. Everything was working properly—all except one thing: a single burned-out lightbulb. That tiny bulb—worth about 20 cents—started the chain of events that ultimately led to the tragic deaths of over 100 people.
Of course, the malfunctioning lightbulb didn't cause the accident; it happened because the crew placed its focus on something that seemed to matter at the moment while losing sight of what mattered most.
This really "turned on a lightbulb" for me -- in many ways.
1. I still get overwhelming anxiety sometimes. I will just think I've kicked the whole postpartum thing and whamo it'll come back and I'll wish I had a Xanax. It tends to be when I'm really focused on one thing, and then the anxiety makes me focus even more on that one thing. I need to remember the light bulb and try and pry myself back to look at the whole situation. Thankfully, I don't get it at work and I'm there most often lately.... which brings me to #2.
2. I'm taking everyone's shifts this summer. It started out that I wanted to work a lot so I won't have to work in the fall and perhaps a Disneyland trip for our family in the spring (kids are very bummed we didn't go this year, but honestly I don't know if we, monetarily, could've done it). However, I'm taking it to the extremes. I am again working 4 shifts next week and perhaps that's now the best for our family. I'm too focused on saving up so that I don't have to work in the fall that I'm gonna work myself into the ground in the meantime. I'm basically gonna go down in the everglades if you know what I mean. :)
3. In the meantime while I'm taking all those shifts I'm also trying to keep all my "balls" in the air -- checking ads, making plans to go to a couple of stores on my day off, etc. Drew is doing an AMAZING job at keeping up with my "cleaning schedule" around here. Really, I'm impressed by him -- but let's face it -- most people can't do shopping like I do, and I have certain things I clean that no one else would think to. In my head I'm wondering how on earth people with 3 kids work this often, but in my heart I know they have a housekeeper, and they don't stick to this kind of a budget, etc. and many of them have family around to help with kids even when they're off. I can't keep up the facade of a woman who stays at home when I'm actually not here all that much.
Anyway, the story really brought it all home for me that I need to stop looking for the problems that perhaps aren't even there and focus on what's really important, my family, the gospel and taking care of myself.
In other news, P is 9 weeks today! Just 2 months ago we were coming home from the hospital. In my head I feel like she's been in our lives forever though. At nine weeks is the magical time that Mr Ezzo says they'll sleep through the night. And here I am on almost 8 full hours of sleep. She woke-up at 5:30 making a few peeps but I wasn't gonna get her until I think she's actually awake. So, now I've been awake since 5:30 and I can't work-out because keep thinking I need to get her. But, instead I've had time to write an entire insightful blog. This is the second time she's done this, which is by far the longest of all my kids. However, she's had a cold this week and she has reflux so we're handling it OK. Plus, when it's your 3rd, getting up and feeding her and going back to bed just doesn't seem as bad as it did with #1. I do hope we're on the track to good night's rest though. I think she can use it just as much as we can.
Guess who's off today. Party it up peeps. Also off to see the urologist. Wouldn't it be a dream if I was stone-free?
